Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
