I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize