its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
