He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
