Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
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