When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
