I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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