after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
