I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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