i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
