ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
