I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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