Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
