I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
