while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
