none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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