Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
