Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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