You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
