He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
