I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
