Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
