part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
