you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
