Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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