my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
