I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
