I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
