Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
