Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
