omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
