I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
