Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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