so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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