Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
