just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
