hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
