She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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