I'm jealous of your bromance
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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