I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
thus making me awesome and them whores
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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