So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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