My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize