Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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