yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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