Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
