I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
