i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
whose parrot is this?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
