But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
