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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I hate the hobo that sits outside our building

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Joe or Chris?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..

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• (817): View more from Texas

  We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.

  (1-517): View more from Michigan

  Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine

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• (619): View more from California

  I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need to get me chipped asap

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said

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• (727): View more from Florida

  My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Threesome!

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27

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