On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
