Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
