I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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