i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
