Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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