i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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