so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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