So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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