My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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