I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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