she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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