omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
