they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize