hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I looked at my own cervix.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
