I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
