and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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