Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
