I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
ttyl tear gas
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this hospital has no fireball
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
