I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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